I hate it. I really hate it. It just never seems to be right. I try so hard and yet here I am...back where I started. Haven't I spent the last seven months of my life climbing out of this hole? Have I not been learning, growing, and strengthening. Then why am I here.
I hate the things that I do. I understand the paradox of success by failure, growth by fire, shining by darkness, etc. I get it. I have had enough experiences in my life to get it. I AM NOT IN CONTROL. I do understand. Then why does THIS hurt SOOOOOO much?
Why does my stomach feel like I am going to throw up? Why does my body feel weak and shaky? WHY DO I FEEL SO BAD? SO WORTHLESS?
If I know that God uses every bad situation to His glory has "a plan to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you hope and a future." (Jer. 29:11), then why am I wallowing in misery?
Does this mean that I have no faith?
Am I a bad Christian?
Do I not care about my life or how I affect others?
Have I strayed?
Is my prayer life not strong enough?
Do I need to up my morning devotionals to an hour a morning to compensate?
WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!? WHY DOES IT FEEL LIKE SOMEONE JUST HIT ME IN THE STOMACH WITH A 2X4?!!?!
where are you God?
I may never know the purpose of this time of life or the countless more I am sure will come....but there is hope.
We can continue to live.......because my God is strong, and I am weak......because I am man, and He is God.......because I am finite, and He is infinite........because He is the Father, and I am the child.......because He loves us.
I pray that God may give you the strength to carry you through whatever (insert title of time that fits the above description) moment for the dawn comes with the morning. There is always an end to the endless storm. There is a light at the end of the unlit tunnel. There is relief for the continuous pain.
because....................................................there is a God.
"yet I am not alone, for the Father is with me" John 16:32
