Direction to the Wall

I am not sure why God does the things that He does.  I suppose it has something to do with His Omnipotent, All-Powerful Sovereignty...or something.

I find myself at point in life where I can go just about anywhere and do just about anything.  Sad thing is that I am not being sarcastic or exaggerating.  The even sadder thing is that I find that frustrating.  I am currently reading two books, "Experiencing God" and "Circle Maker".  Both focus on how we as people interact with God through life and prayer.  I have found the books encouraging and frustrating.  I love the insights that they offer to God, but...let me give you an example.

"Circle Maker" focuses on prayer, big prayer.  It is written by a pastor that took a 15 member church in Washington D.C. to the of the nation's biggest and fastest growing churches with over 10 campuses in about 15 years.  The book revolves around the experiences of this church's growth.  The writer encourages the reader to "pray circles around things".  To keep praying until you get an answer.  To pray with authority to God knowing that He has laid it upon your heart to pray for such things.  The pastor even says that praying for small things insults God.  Again, I greatly appreciate the push to pray big knowing that we have a big God, but...let me give the story the book title is based on.

On one occasion when God did not send rain well into the winter (it rains mainly in the winter in Israel), Honi drew a circle in the dust, stood inside of it, and informed God that he would not move until it rained.  When it began to drizzle, Honi told God that he was not satisfied and expected more rain; it then began to pour.  Honi explained that he wanted a calm rain, at which point the rain calmed to a normal rain.

Honi told God what he wanted.  I love this story because it reminds me of the power that comes from the service of and personal relationship with God and the miracles that can happen when you believe.  But what about this...what if God wanted the famine to continue?  What if God wanted there to be hardship so that the people would learn reliance upon Him?  FLIP SIDE: What if God wanted Honi to pray that prayer so that Israel could be shown the might of the All-Mighty?  What if God so respects the requests of His Faithful that He changes His will to meet said prayers?

Do you get why I am so confused?

In my personal life experiences, God generally does things His way (as it should be).  It usually does not matter what I want or desire.  I see it like this:  If Honi's prayer is like walking up to a very large wall, demanding that that wall fall down, and waiting in one spot till it does, then my prayers and life are seeing the same wall and then trying to discern which way to (left or right) walk.

God has put lots of walls in my life.  I figure that if He wants them there then there is nothing that I can do to knock them down, and if He wants them down, they will come down.  I have lived with the mentality that even if the wall does not fall, I will walk in the direction that I feel the Lord moving me, until I find a door or the wall does come down.  I just do not like to sit.

Explanation:  There is nothing wrong with sitting and resting in God, the "sitting" I am referring to is the concept that we are not able to do ministry until we make it past that wall.  My senior year of college I was the Jr. and Sr. High Youth Pastor at my church.  It was the best year of my life.  I was rattling the gates of hell daring Satan to come and take on me and my God and my kids were right there with me. I saw what God could do in the lives of youth through my life and my teaching.  I was shaking the foundations of the world.  Now I feel like I am not.  I am doing great things for the Kingdom where I am now, but...it is just not "My Way".  I would like to get back into a youth pastor or teaching/speaking role, to get across the wall and rattle those gates and shake the foundation of the world again....but for now I walk.

Here is the thing: I am doing incredible things now.  My walking includes interactions with community members, troubled kids, their parents, pastors, teachers, cashiers, garbage men, librarians, etc.  Everything that I do glorifies God (at least it should).  

I believe that someday there will be a day that I will find my way to the other side of the way, whether by door or a crumpling, and it will be glorious.  But until that day, I am fulfilling my calling and duty as a Child of God by worshipping Him with my life.

An obedient life is the greatest form of worship.  Romans 12:1-2.